Pet Peeves: On Puppies, Clean Kids, and Velveeta Cheese

Let's face it. We all have our pet peeves, the stuff we just don't like, no matter how immature not liking it makes us. Stuff we don't usually admit to others, but stuff we just can't ignore. Here are some of mine.

1. Cell phone-talking, cigarette-smoking drivers. One passed me on the way back from Appalachian State. Cell phone in her ear, cigarette in her hand. What the hell was driving the car? If she wants to die on I-40 that's cool by me, just don't take me along.

2. Clean kids. Come on, man. An eight year old boy shouldn't wear Lacoste sport shirts, cuffed shorts, or stay clean. Boys should be muddy, and girls should too. There will be plenty of time to clean up when you grow up.

3. Line Cutters. I mean, really? The rest of us have to wait, but Mr. or Ms. line cutter can just act like they didn't notice the snake of 300 people waiting to get into the Apple Store. I make it a point to call people out on this whenever possible. Nearly led to a big brouhaha at Floyd Fest 2012.

4. People who don't like dogs. They are dogs. Dogs. How can you not like dogs? They start out as puppies. I don't trust people who don't like dogs. Or beer.

5. People who don't like beer. Did I already mention this? I think boys who don't get their clothes dirty grow up not liking beer, and not owning dogs. I played in the mud, at the creek, with snakes and stuff. By the way, I like good beer. It doesn't take much effort to learn the difference in good and bad beer. If the beer comes from Missouri or includes "Lite" in the name, it's bad beer.

6. Rainy Days. Okay, this isn't entirely true. When I lived in San Diego, the one day in 37 when it rained was kind of neat, but more than one day in a row? No thanks. Even more annoying are people who say, "But we need the rain." Great, Sure. Fine. We need the rain, but can't it have the decency to rain at night, and give me a sunny day when I'm awake?

7. Velveeta Cheese. The Spam of cheese. If a recipe requires Velveeta, it doesn't require me to eat it.

8. Sports Haters. You don't have to like the game, you don't have to understand the game, but appreciate the work. Understand that you are often watching humans at their best, striving to win. Worse still are those who deem sports, "silly," a term usually delivered as they watch the latest episode of Moonshiners. Just saying.

9. Text Daters. Guys who ask a girl out via text on the first date are the whimpiest of wimps, and probably never got dirty when they were kids. Yeah, asking a pretty girl out on the first date IS scary, but it is also the price of admission. Man up, dudes.

I know these pet peeves make me sound like a grumpy old man, but nothing could be further from the truth. I'm really a happy, go lucky guy.

In an intense kind of way. 

See you tomorrow.