What I hate About Science Fiction

I love stories. It’s simple. When I examine the things that interest me, they all involve story telling. But not all these things are books. Films tell tales, where reality TV does nothing. Games create stories, both intentional (a function of the designer’s intent), and unintentional (a function of the social interaction inherent in playing). And sports, especially football (the kind with pads) and open-wheel racing, create unparalleled  drama. So, despite some of the previous ranting that you might have read in this blog, I’m not overly discriminate, I just love stories. Science fiction stories are some of my favorites. There are, however, three things that I hate about science fiction: fantasy, goofy, and the human condition.

Fantasy. You hear it discussed, book clubs are named after it, and it’s usually a section in your local book store--Science Fiction and Fantasy. I hate it. Please... keep your fairy princesses out of my hover tanks. I read The Lord of the Rings quadrilogy thing in 1978, way before Peter Jackson turned a camera on it, and except for a recent read of Peter Bogdasarian’s unpublished novel, I haven’t read fantasy since. I don’t understand the sci-fi/fantasy grouping. Tolkien’s Uruk-Hai have no more in common David Drake’s tanks than Grissom’s lawyers do. Let the wizards and fairies have their own genre, and leave the tanks and combat drones to me.

Goofy. I love science fiction, but I hate alien species that are birds, lizards, or whatever. Come on, people, you at least need an opposable thumb, and a viable means of communication, and anything that looks like a lizard will probably just die from ugliness, although I do think the Predator’s dreads are cool, as long as he leaves on the helmet. I can’t deal with that mouth.

The human condition. I hate to even get started on this one. I don’t want science fiction to preach to me. I don’t mind science fiction that makes me think, but beating me over the head with an alien species that’s confined to the South African equivalent of a concentration camp isn’t thought provoking, it’s heavy handed. Memo to all self-righteous writers (science fiction or otherwise), war is hell, bigotry is bad, technology has run amuck. We get it, already.

See you tomorrow.

I liked District 9, by the way. I’m just saying.

Oh yeah, and that stupid SyFy branding. I see the word, think "short i" and feel like I'm headed into an antihistamine commercial.