The Force Awakens. Too Bad the Writing Didn't.

“It’s awesome, he said.

“I know,” I said, but what can it do that my Samsung can’t?”

“It’s just awesome,” he beamed back, holding up the iPhone so I could revel in its alleged awesomeness.

That conversation is over a year old, a debate over the relative merits of my Droid smart phone and my friend’s iPhone. Anything his iPhone could do, my Droid could do, and usually better, but he preferred his phone because it was inexplicably “awesome.”

That, my young Padawan, is how I feel about the typical Star Wars: The Force Awakens review and viewer. “What do you think?” I ask. “It was awesome!” the written review or exiting viewer replies. “Why?” I ask, scratching my head. “Because it was awesome,” they beam back.

Well, I saw Episode VII last weekend, and guess what? It isn’t awesome. I tend to go off the deep end with my opinions, so I'll try to ratchet it back a notch or two. How was it? Honestly, how was it to someone who has lived, eaten, and breathed science fiction, alternate history, horror, and paranormal his entire life?

Okay. It was okay. Nothing, franchise name aside, special.

I thought the acting was decent. Certainly Harrison Ford's first real work in years (He completely mailed in Cowboys and Aliens, let alone 42.) Rey, was the meaty female character movies need more of. Tough, yet also feminine, but even more than feminine, she was just human. Very enjoyable. Chewbacca was genuinely funny, and the new droid, BB-8, obligatorily cute. 

The special effects?  They are what they are, dated and too often mired by the impossibility of what they are depicting. Tie Fighters were designed as deep space fighters. Even that idea has problems, but at least I can accept it. Now they are flying in the atmosphere. How? Where do they get their lift, where are their control surfaces? Storm Troopers who are born into their vocation, drilled by a lifetime of duty, such a lifetime that they do not even have a name, cannot shoot straight. I get it, I share the memes, it’s hilarious, but it is also asinine.  Nevertheless, I guess all that is okay, it’s all Star Wars, and you just have to accept it. What I cannot accept, and what is the Achilles heel of the entire movie, is the grade school writing. Nope, I won’t throw spoilers at those that haven’t made it to the theater. Suffice to say, however, if you have seen Episode IV (A New Hope) and some of Episode VI (Return of the Jedi), you pretty well have the entire plot of The Force Awakens.

So in a nutshell, that’s it. Solid acting, explosive yet unbelievable special effects, and lackluster writing make for a movie that while not bad, is certainly not what I would call “awesome.”

Mark H. Walker served 23 years in the United States Navy, most of them as an Explosive Ordnance Disposal diver. He is the owner of Flying Pig Games as well as Tiny Battle Publishing the designer of the aliens-invade-Earth game Night of Man, the author of Desert Moon, an exciting mecha, military science fiction novel with a twist, with plenty of damn science fiction in it despite what any reviewer says, as well as World at War: Revelation, a creepy, military action, with a love story, alternate history, World War Three novel thing, Everyone Dies in the End, and numerous short stories. All the books and stories are available from Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing right here. Give them a try. I mean, what the hell? The games? Well that's Flying Pig Games and Tiny Battle Publishing Retribution will release in the spring of 2016.