Vampires Done Right

Vampires. Everyone that has read vampire fiction, seen a vampire film, or been in a relationship with a really, really needy partner, has an opinion about vampires. Perhaps a favorite in fact or fiction, or maybe a fantasy. Although I’ve managed to avoid needy relationships, I do have an opinion about vampires (the fictional kind), when they are done right, when they’re done wrong, and how they have shaped Katarina, the vampire protagonist in that Strange-World-War-III-Book-That-Also-Has-Creepy-Stuff.

Done Right

Vampire$ by John Steakley includes blood suckers that revel in ripping your intestines, not playing softball in a thunderstorm. Although the vamps aren’t above seducing beautiful women, they aren’t looking for love… at least not the kind we celebrate on Valentine’s Day. To paraphrase Jack Crow, the Vatican’s lead vampire slayer, “they aren’t romantic, they aren’t sexy, and they don’t give a sh%t about kitchen spices.” This book was made into the movie John Carpenter’s Vampires.

30 Days of Night is based on a graphic novel by Steve Niles. Everything in Hollywood is based on graphic novels. I bet you could dig up a Julie & Julia graphic novel somewhere. Of course that has always been the Hollywood thing. If a dead horse works, beat it to a bloody pulp. Amazingly mixed metaphors aside, 30 Days of Night worked well on the big screen. The setting was creepy, the vampire clan cunningly believable, and the horror was—at times—sorta scary.

Underworld. Directed by Kate Beckinsale’s future husband, Len Wiseman, Underworld was part action, part horror, and all Kate. She played the tough-as-nails vampire to a “T” (or should that be a “V”?), and breezed her way through her first action movie as if she had been doing it her whole life. This one had atmosphere in spades.

Which brings me to Katarina, the vampire lead in that Strange-World-War-III-Book-That-Also-Has-Creepy-Stuff. She’s a strong woman. Not unfeeling—she has strong feelings for the book’s lead, Mike Hudson—but certainly not sensitive. She is thrilled by the violence surrounding her, the violence of the Third World War, and she kills not only without remorse, but with a joie de vivre that is chilling.

Tomorrow, werewolves I have known.

Done Wrong
Almost forgot. Vampires done wrong. Well, I don’t want to name names (Twilight), but high school? Why do vampires need high school? Do they have career plans? And glistening skin. Really? I mean, well…really?